CONGRATULATIONS. YOU HAVE PURCHASED AN ANTHRAX/2000 Multimedia 615X Personal Computer with Digital Doo-Dah Enhancer. It will give you years of faithful service, if you ever get it up and running. Also included with your PC is a bonus pack of pre-installed software – “Lawn Mowing Planner”, “My Arty-Farty”, “Blank Screen Saver”, and “East Africa Route Finder” – which will provide hours of pointless diversion while using up most of your computer’s spare memory.
So turn the page and let’s get started!

本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛CONGRATULATIONS. YOU HAVE PURCHASED AN ANTHRAX/2000 Multimedia 615X Personal Computer with Digital Doo-Dah Enhancer. It will give you years of faithful service, if you ever get it up and running. Also included with your PC is a bonus pack of pre-installed software – “Lawn Mowing Planner”, “My Arty-Farty”, “Blank Screen Saver”, and “East Africa Route Finder” – which will provide hours of pointless diversion while using up most of your computer’s spare memory.
So turn the page and let’s get started!


Getting Ready: Congratulations. You have successfully turned the page and are ready to proceed.

… To prevent internal heat build-up, select a cool dry environment for your computer. The bottom shelf of a refrigerator is ideal.

Unpack the box and examine its contents. (Warning: Do not open box if contents are missing or faulty as this will invalidate your warranty. Return all missing contents in their original package with a note explaining where they have gone and a replacement will be sent within twelve working months.)

The contents of the box should include some of the following: …. Computer units; miscellaneous wires and cables not necessarily designed for this model; 2000-page Owner’s Manual; Short Guide to the Owner’s Manual; Quick Guide to the Short Guide to the Owner’s Manual; Laminated Super-Kwit Set-Up Guide for People Who Are Exceptionally Impatient or Stupid; 1167 pages of warranties, vouchers, notices in Spanish, and other loose pieces of paper….更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

Congratulations. You are ready to set up. If you have not yet acquired a degree in electrical engineering, now is the time to do so.

Connect the monitor cable (A) to the portside outlet unit (D); attach power offload unit sub-orbiter (Xii) to the coaxial AC/DC servo channel (G); plug three-pin mouse cable into keyboard housing unit (make extra hole if necessary); connect modem (B2) to offside parallel audio/video lineout jack. Alternately, plug the cables into the most likely looking holes, switch on and see what happens.

Additional important meaningless note: The wires in the ampule modulator unit are marked as follows according to international convention: blue = neutral or live; yellow = live or blue; blue and live=neutral and green; black = instant death. (Except where prohibited by law.)

Switch the computer on. Your hard drive will automatically download. (All three to five days.)…

本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛Insert Disc A (marked “Disc D” or “Disc G”) into Drive Slot B or J…At the DOS command prompt, enter your License Verification Number. Your License Verification Number can be found by entering your Certified User Number, which can be found by entering your License Verification Number. If you are unable to find your License Verification Number or Certified User Number, call the Software Support Line for assistance. (Please have your License Verification Number and Certified User Number handy as the support staff cannot otherwise assist you.)

If you have not yet committed suicide, then insert Installation Disc 1 in Drive Slot 2 (or vice versa) and follow the instructions on your screen. (Note: Owing to a software modification, some instructions will appear in Romanian.)….

…Your computer will now say: “Invalid file path. Whoa! Abort or continue?” Warning: selecting “Continue” may result in irreversible file compression, permanent loss of memory and a default overload in the hard drive. On the other hand, selecting "Abort” will require you to start the whole tedious, maddening installation process all over again. Your choice.

When the smoke has cleared, insert Disc A2 (marked ‘Disc A1’) and repeat as directed with each of the 187 other discs.

When installation is complete, return to file path, and type your name, address and credit card numbers and press “SEND”. This will automatically register you for our free software prize, “Blank Screensaver IV: Nighttime in Deep Space”, and allow us to pass your name to lots and lots of computer magazines, online services and other commercial enterprises, who will be getting in touch shortly.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

Problem: My computer won’t turn on.
Solution: Check to make sure the computer is plugged in; check to make sure the power button is in the ON position; check the cables for damage; dig up underground cables in your garden and check for damage; drive our into country and check electricity pylons for signs of fallen wires; call hotline;
…

Problem: I keep getting a message saying: “Non-System General Protection Fault”
Solution: This is probably because you are trying to use the computer. Switch the computer to OFF mode and any annoying messages will disappear.

Problem: My computer is a piece of useless junk.
Correct – and congratulations. You are now ready to upgrade to and Anthrax/3000 Turbo model, or to go back to pen and paper.