加拿大失婚移民难以再婚的原因之一，抛砖引玉 -yumig(苦恼) @硅谷华人论坛:硅谷枫下论坛 The Rolia Forum of San Jose

枫下佳缘 / 快乐单身 / 加拿大失婚移民难以再婚的原因之一，抛砖引玉 -yumig(苦恼); 2005-12-27 {725} (#2682888@0)
曾听到多伦多某失婚女士，45岁，批发商，很富有，说到她的一批失婚女朋友们，都是她这个年纪上下，都很富有，出去随便吃个饭也要在很好的馆子里要一个包间，一餐便饭也要吃个一百多元。这么有钱的人，找对象应该容易吧，只要要求不那么苛刻。可是事实是都不容易。因为她们觉得处对象，出外花销一定要男士出钱，如果要自己出钱，哪怕是AA制，哪怕是男士出大头，就是没面子。其中曾有一位处过一年收入6万的工薪男士，出去消费了几次之后，男士就大呼吃不消，知难而退了。
这么富有的女士当然是少有的例子，但大多数女士恐怕都有男方应比女方强的要求，在这个要求之下，很多可成的婚姻就失之交臂了。男方挣五万一年，女方挣三万一年，人们能接受，女方挣五万一年，男方挣三万一年，很多女士就不干了，我想这是再婚难的第一原因，这个心理梗阻能不能破除呢？
其它原因欢迎大家探讨。

说得有理，请继续。爱情婚姻家庭是男女共同努力共同所有。只要明了“施”比“受”更有福。这个“心理梗阻”便不难被破除。 -thatiswhatilove(CityMan); 2005-12-27 (#2682902@0)

why the thought "men are superior than women still around"??? -lostindarkness(lostpeople); 2005-12-28 {482} (#2685165@0)
Since our Chairman mao, women have been seeking equity between men and women. Can we really have that day come? No, I do not think so because there are so many women out there in our world who are just like what described in the post. They always think men are better than women, and should be more responsible for the families. It is not men who do not make men = women, it is women make it men <> women. Why can not a wife makes more than her husband? why this is shamful?

严重不同易 -bonniecnca(平常心); 2005-12-27 (#2683039@0)
I don't agree. I think most Chinese men overseas have lost their humanity after they struggle all the way by themselves, so they are short of hobbies, interests and abilities to enjoy life. -asker(asker); 2005-12-27 {135} (#2683060@0)
And most women want their men to be interesting and humorous, and don't want men who know nothing except eating, sleeping and working.
Look at how most Chinese men in Toronto dress themselves, you can understand how much they lack tastes and sense of artistry. Who wants to live with this kind of men? Life isn't just about money, sleeping and eating. -asker(asker); 2005-12-27 (#2683064@0)

Everyone has his own life. -lostindarkness(lostpeople); 2005-12-28 {351} (#2684754@0)
I do not know how many chinese men you know. Before you put "most", you should really get yourself to know most chinese men. I believe most chinese men do have their own lives, and live up to their standards. Please do not stereotype chinese men in general because you met one or two chinese men who are in difficulties. Everybody has his own life.

You are right. By most Chinese men, I mean most Chinese that I have seen with my own eyes and known with my own heart. -asker(asker); 2005-12-28 (#2684915@0)

Look at other male immigrants from such countries as Latin America or East/Southern Europe, some of them are construction workers, or other labourers, and don't have much money, -asker(asker); 2005-12-27 {331} (#2683075@0)
but they know how to enjoy life while hard working.

They dress themsevles properly, go to concert and dinner, and they are living their lives, not like some Chinese who know nothing but to save money.

I feel sorry for those Chinese. What's the meaning of their lives? Are they living for money? Are they the slaves or money?
Sure, life of immigrants is not easy, but the most important thing is that you have a life, and you should not lose your enthusiasm for living your life. -asker(asker); 2005-12-27 (#2683086@0)

你的观点很有趣，但愿大多数女人都如你所想就好了。但事实上恐怕只有少数女人是你这么想的，多数的恐怕还是把男人的经济能力放在第一位，所以逼使男人们拼命去挣钱。 -yumig(苦恼); 2005-12-27 (#2683138@0)

Thanks, but I care about money as well. I think men should have some money to maintain a health life, but I don't like men to know nothing else but money. :) -asker(asker); 2005-12-27 (#2683145@0)

how many Chinese men have you known? your comments are too generalized. -the_dumb_one(dumb_and_dumber); 2005-12-28 (#2683671@0)

I don't think my comments are generalized, because I didn't say every single Chinese man, instead, what I said is that most Chinese men that I know. I didn't talk about Chinese men I don't know. -asker(asker); 2005-12-28 {22} (#2683743@0)
So I speak for myself.

什么叫失婚？最反感这种论调，凭什么离婚女人就身价低落，要降格以求？吃一堑长一智，如果结婚不能过得更好更开心，养得起自己的女人，干吗还得降低生活水准再养个男人？能力不够的男人就不要出来指责女人太能干了，真现眼 -7y7(醉里吴音); 2005-12-27 (#2683208@0)

严重支持,给你顶砖:))) -bonniecnca(平常心); 2005-12-27 (#2683213@0)
“能力不够的男人就不要出来指责女人太能干了”。此话差了！实际的生活中，“男士就大呼吃不消，知难而退了”。不是“指责”，是：“退了”。(哈哈大笑)。 -thatiswhatilove(CityMan); 2005-12-27 (#2683251@0)

这么孱弱的男人，要来何用，还不如早日退场 -7y7(醉里吴音); 2005-12-27 (#2683306@0)

男人常为了自己的尊严自己退场, 这种结果对大家都无损害，但不知小妹为何张口大骂？ -thatiswhatilove(CityMan); 2005-12-27 (#2683315@0)

什么叫张口大骂，吾这是帮助群众端正思想：男人没钱不要紧，但不能没种 -7y7(醉里吴音); 2005-12-27 (#2683320@0)

没人“指责女人太能干了”，何来“真现眼”？ -thatiswhatilove(CityMan); 2005-12-27 (#2683328@0)

"女方挣五万一年，男方挣三万一年，很多女士就不干了，我想这是再婚难的第一原因" ??????????????????? -7y7(醉里吴音); 2005-12-27 (#2683332@0)

"很多女士就不干了" = “指责女人太能干了”? 女人有权“不干了”，男人同样有权“不干了”。没看到谁“指责”谁。何来“真现眼”？ -thatiswhatilove(CityMan); 2005-12-27 (#2683350@0)

这位是男是女? -bonniecnca(平常心); 2005-12-28 (#2685034@0)

“帮助群众端正思想”。我哈哈大笑！ -thatiswhatilove(CityMan); 2005-12-27 (#2683378@0)
没种的话,是个大事啊 -bjmoto(Moto); 2005-12-27 (#2683409@0)
没种的话, 就不会去钓女人，也就没这些事了，都是“种”在那里闹的。哈哈哈. -thatiswhatilove(CityMan); 2005-12-27 (#2683452@0)

说的够劲，本来嘛！ -easychat(easychat); 2006-1-1 (#2691100@0)

其实,如果只好肯努力,钱的差距不是问题.我想,也许太有钱的女人更加希望男人能够对她们慷慨,她们才会觉得心理平衡吧.也许她们没有看到真正喜欢的,否则如果替对方着想的话,也许就不会这么难了. -o2o2o2(飘雪); 2005-12-27 (#2683218@0)

Yeah, I sometimes feel sorry for rich women, because some men go after them for their money; even though some men fall in true love with them, they feel doubtful about it. -asker(asker); 2005-12-27 {73} (#2683296@0)
True love does not exist in their life, because they are slaves of money.

come on kid! Don't be silly! 贫贱夫妻百事哀，啥年代了都，还以为金钱是万恶之源？ -7y7(醉里吴音); 2005-12-27 (#2683302@0)

If 金钱 is not 万恶之源 , why can't so many rich women get married after their divorce? And I absolutely agree with you that 贫贱夫妻百事哀. -asker(asker); 2005-12-27 (#2683339@0)

上点年纪的女人吧，有钱无爱比有爱无钱还好点 -7y7(醉里吴音); 2005-12-28 (#2684102@0)

Good point. -asker(asker); 2005-12-28 (#2684111@0)

After all, money still matters. -lostindarkness(lostpeople); 2005-12-28 (#2684759@0)

Right, money is the tool you depend on for independence. Without it, you will lose at least 50% your personal independence. -asker(asker); 2005-12-28 (#2684918@0)

money == independenc??? -lostindarkness(lostpeople); 2005-12-28 {696} (#2685134@0)
As far as I understand that money is not a must for a person to be independent. I think it depends on where you come from. If you are from a rich family, and you want to be independent, probably the most important thing is how much money you will have after you leave the family. This is understandable becuase you are used to spending money. WIthout it, you can not do anything, and this seems to me that the person is not independent at all. As people from a poor family, he might think ottherwise, he will make sure he will make the money for himself to be independent. So, the tool you will need for you to be independent is your skills, experiences, etc... but for sure it is not money.

"As far as I understand that money is not a must for a person to be independent." Really? If so, why do people work so hard to get degrees, good jobs and high salaries? Just for fun? -asker(asker); 2005-12-28 (#2685234@0)

You do not really know what is independence. -lostindarkness(lostpeople); 2005-12-29 {337} (#2685820@0)
You do not really know what is independence. A street begger is independent, he does not have money, but, every day, he begs on the street to earn meals for the day. People want to work hard, have high education, good jobs, because they do not want to have lifes like that. they want to have better lives. Better life <> Independence.

With money, you can be financially independent. With financial independence, you can be physically and spiritually independent. Why can't some abused women leave their husbands? -asker(asker); 2005-12-28 {162} (#2685242@0)
Because some of them depend on their husbands for a living, and they do not have their own money, so that they have to tolerate whatever their husband do to them.

see my comments above -lostindarkness(lostpeople); 2005-12-29 (#2685825@0)

I read it, thanks. Still I save my opinion. -asker(asker); 2005-12-30 (#2687885@0)

一句话, 还没有对上眼的! 对上眼后很多的这些谁出钱, 没面子的事就没啦! -meizi(梅子); 2005-12-27 (#2683250@0)

这话有理 -bonniecnca(平常心); 2005-12-27 (#2683287@0)
Right. -asker(asker); 2005-12-27 (#2683298@0)
我看这架式，猜测那男的十有八九一开始是“对上眼的”，无奈自知“门不当户不对” 消受不起只好BYEBYE。不知那女的是怎么想的？没“对上眼”但为何还要人家高消费？ -thatiswhatilove(CityMan); 2005-12-27 (#2683311@0)

怎么定义“高消费”？多大的脑袋带多大的帽，如果以人家女士的收入根本是很正常的消费呢？有些男人，至今指望七仙女下凡，又能发家致富又能谦虚朴素是吧 -7y7(醉里吴音); 2005-12-27 (#2683317@0)
我觉得只是女的没有站在对方的角度想, 她以为别人消费起来象她们一样, 不知道对方的难处. 从这点看出, 女的没有同情心, 也不会是个好妻子... -meizi(梅子); 2005-12-27 (#2683324@0)

My understanding is that rich women have suffered from the pain of being poor before they get rich, so they don't want to go through it again with men who are not rich. -asker(asker); 2005-12-27 {159} (#2683347@0)
If you are not born rich, you must struggle and suffer a lot to get rich. And once you get rich, you certainly don't want to go back to live a less rich life.

款姐难傍? :) -jeffreyz(WWW); 2005-12-27 (#2683313@0)

I don't think so. I think to marry a 款姐 is difficult, but to be a 款姐's partner isn't that difficulty as long as you listen to her and do whatever she tells you. -asker(asker); 2005-12-27 (#2683351@0)

哥们这句话经典 -bjmoto(Moto); 2005-12-27 (#2683399@0)
"do whatever she tells you"? who are you? -thatiswhatilove(CityMan); 2005-12-27 (#2683417@0)

Reply to me before you actually understand what I am writing. Don't reply to me if you don't understand what I am writing. Don't ask who I am ,but who those rich women are. -asker(asker); 2005-12-27 (#2683451@0)

After reading such a post, I have nothing to say, poor girl, byebye. -thatiswhatilove(CityMan); 2005-12-27 (#2683465@0)

If you don't have anything to say, just go sleep and have a nice dream, rich guy. -asker(asker); 2005-12-27 (#2683472@0)

加拿大失婚移民难以再婚原因之二，继续抛砖引玉 -yumig(苦恼); 2005-12-27 {608} (#2683338@0)
认识一位失婚男移，当初因无钱被太太抛弃，来加拿大后，勤奋加运气，有了一份年收入四万五的稳定技术工作。这位仁兄其实各方面条件都还不错，但在加拿大的女人眼光高，他看中的女人却看不中他，他只好把眼光转向国内，国内想出国的女人还是不少，也长得不错，但他又患得患失了，又怕别人过来没本事挣钱，以后负担重，又怕别人只想靠定丈夫吃，说不定闹离婚还要分一半的钱，如此怕来怕去，搞了几年还是打光棍，钱就越存越多，钱越多，顾虑越多，最后跟我们说好象要放下找对象的心思，专心去搞事业了。
想着国内女士的美丽，又害怕捉摸不定的跨国婚姻前途，这是我认为的再婚难的第二大原因。也不知这位仁兄的行为对也不对，请各位发表高见。继续抛砖引玉。

钱就越存越多，钱越多，顾虑越多. Definitely, and that's why I said those people are slaves of money, and they don't have a life. I -asker(asker); 2005-12-27 (#2683355@0)
一朝被蛇咬, 十年怕井绳. 不过这位男士的患得患失, 始终会是他幸福生活的障碍! 如果是我, 即使他再有钱, 我也不会找他的, 注定是个失败的结果在前头... -meizi(梅子); 2005-12-27 (#2683359@0)

I feel that 一朝被蛇咬, 十年怕井绳 seems more often to happen to Chinese. -asker(asker); 2005-12-27 (#2683401@0)

different cultures, I think chinese men are looking for long term relationship, not like western men who go by their impulses to get married. then, when the impulse is over, marriage is over too. -lostindarkness(lostpeople); 2005-12-29 (#2685832@0)

说得太好了，请继续。这都是我们现实中存在的事实。如何化解有待于男人女人的共同智慧。 -thatiswhatilove(CityMan); 2005-12-27 (#2683368@0)
Salary 45000 is the reason. Actually double the income could feel better. -fullmoonnight(圆月夜.老狼); 2005-12-28 (#2684469@0)
失婚的人要不要先搞搞清楚为什么要再昏？ -annabelle(安妮); 2005-12-28 (#2684554@0)

Because of loneliness, homesickness and the absence of attachment? After all, we human beings are social animals. -asker(asker); 2005-12-28 (#2684924@0)

好好,请各位冷静,讨论继续进行 -bjmoto(Moto); 2005-12-27 (#2683392@0)
在下插一句:是不是有必要先讨论一下这个问题:男人是拿来干什么用的?然后再来讨论一下,女人是拿来干什么用的? -bjmoto(Moto); 2005-12-27 (#2683415@0)

好建议，但稍稍改一点如何？“先讨论一下这个问题:男人想干什么?然后再来讨论一下,女人想干什么”? -thatiswhatilove(CityMan); 2005-12-27 (#2683435@0)

男人是世界上的重要角色 -jojo082(JOJO); 2005-12-28 {53} (#2683783@0)
目前我了解的男人...事业、家庭、最重要的是不能缺女人。

我-女的, 找男友为的是找个伴儿,不想一个人吃饭,睡觉...很多东西想有个人来分享,当然希望他不拖累我,但我也可能会拖累他,那为什么不能接受他拖累我呢?但如果已经预见到他一准会拖累我一辈子,不可能在我跌倒的时候也扶我一把,不要 -bruno1007(绿豆呢); 2005-12-28 (#2683825@0)

Reply for 原因之一: If you believe that 男人征服了世界才征服了女人, then think about what kind men can conquer such women, think about the age, wealth, personality, and social status of those men. -bookworm(晕晕); 2005-12-28 (#2684086@0)
And think again: if you are such a man, on whom is your eyes going to fall? Women who are in their forties, rich, powerful, maybe sexy but close to dry-up? Women who are in their thirties, mature, sexy, -bookworm(晕晕); 2005-12-28 {150} (#2684096@0)
independent, and stillenergetic and lovely? Girls who are in their twenties, innocent, energetic, lovely, and young? I think you have gotten my point.
age 45 is the reason. Who will need a 45 old lady? -fullmoonnight(圆月夜.老狼); 2005-12-28 (#2684465@0)

It depends. Some women know how to take care of themselves in terms of skins, figures and hobbies, so even at 45, they look younger and sexy, such as Demi Moore. -asker(asker); 2005-12-28 (#2684473@0)

Hahahaha, I thought she is a movie star and she uses millioniars of $s on her face. Oh, it seems everybody can afford it. -fullmoonnight(圆月夜.老狼); 2005-12-28 (#2684486@0)

Actually we don' t need million dollars to take care of our skins and bellies, if we don't have that much. Just do regular exercises, have natural diet such as toufu and vegetables, and have good sleep, -asker(asker); 2005-12-28 {28} (#2684531@0)
we can keep fit and healthy.

别开玩笑了.三十度岁的女人我可见得多了.那能和二十多岁的女人比.皮肤的弹性和色泽,根本就不是一个质量级别的了(当然自己觉察不到了).45岁,妈妈呀,都更年期了还找什么老公啊. -fullmoonnight(圆月夜.老狼); 2005-12-28 (#2684559@0)

You are right. 45-year-old skin isn't as good as 20-year-old skin, but can keep flexible as well as possible.The key is what you eat, and your life style. Going back to 20 years old isn't possible, -asker(asker); 2005-12-28 {81} (#2684591@0)
but my point is to keep fit and healthy andsexy is possible for women at any age.
The saddest thing is the death of your heart. Once you think you are old, and you have no hope for marriage, you are dead spiritually, and then you will become old more quickly. -asker(asker); 2005-12-28 (#2684600@0)
I think we Chinese women may learn something from western women, who are independent, confident and also sexy. Some of them start dating again at 60 ( I know at least 2 of them), and go dancing every weekends. -asker(asker); 2005-12-28 {68} (#2684602@0)
And they don't stop looking for their life partners. I admire them.
In China, 50 years old means that a women is old and has to retire. But this is Canada, where 65 is the age meaning you are old, so 45, or even 50 is still young and not old at all. -asker(asker); 2005-12-28 {60} (#2684606@0)
Change some of your views, because you are living in Canada.

I will try. -fullmoonnight(圆月夜.老狼); 2005-12-28 (#2684609@0)

We try together. :) -asker(asker); 2005-12-28 (#2684614@0)

No. I will try to change my mind. You will try to keep your face -:) -fullmoonnight(圆月夜.老狼); 2005-12-28 (#2684619@0)

Gee, you are a guy? I thought you were a woman. :( -asker(asker); 2005-12-28 (#2684641@0)

hahah, I am a 老狼, not a 老娘 !!! LOL -fullmoonnight(圆月夜.老狼); 2005-12-28 (#2684646@0)

Gee, I am really old. Lao Yan Huan HUa. :) -asker(asker); 2005-12-28 (#2684925@0)

The average age of death in Canada is around 77 years old. It's said that if a Canadian women is born in 1980s, she can live till she is 83 years old or longer. So we have a long life to go. Enjoy it. -asker(asker); 2005-12-28 (#2684607@0)

Some Chinese women seem never to wear any make-ups, and don't care much about their own images. If they pay more attention, no matter how old they are, they will look healthy and neat. -asker(asker); 2005-12-28 (#2684537@0)

喜欢asker，讲得多好！ -liveintoronto88(L); 2005-12-28 (#2685266@0)
说的我也觉得惭愧了.明年开始化妆了.呵呵 -o2o2o2(飘雪); 2005-12-28 (#2685276@0)

飘雪妹妹千万别那么想。审美观各不相同。自然美是最真实的恒久的。 -talkdirectly(有话直说); 2005-12-29 (#2685917@0)

说真的.来到加拿大,就只有一次化装,那还是面试前同事的LP千叮咛万嘱咐才做的.后来就厚着脸皮不化了.不过,也许真的应该再重新开始呢.至少如果休息不好,可以对别人尊重一点吧. -o2o2o2(飘雪); 2005-12-29 (#2685944@0)

我看来化不化妆都很好，一个愿以自然美来约会的女孩会令人感到她的自信与随和，一个化妆恰到好处的女孩会使我体会到她重视这次约会。 -talkdirectly(有话直说); 2005-12-29 (#2686271@0)

呵呵,看这个贴子就更加印证了我的观点.人还是不要太有钱的好,免得别人都冲你的钱来了.上帝是公平的,什么样的人都有烦恼.当然,说我酸葡萄的人就不要砸转了,省省吧.我承认好了,行了吧? -o2o2o2(飘雪); 2005-12-29 (#2685951@0)

I think 太有钱 has no problem. The problem is with those people who have SOME money but not 太有钱 yet. -asker(asker); 2005-12-30 (#2687890@0)

@San Jose

加拿大失婚移民难以再婚的原因之一，抛砖引玉

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